so i got accepted;
however,
my dad doesn't want me to go..

I have never been this flabbergasted in years, i dont know what is happening; but this is all so surreal. i'm not sure if what i'm feeling in my head, so what my heart wants. i need to finish my CSU applications ASAP and submit it and then get my transcripts emailed ASAP. that means I need to go to CSU Fullerton and get a transcipt mailed to CSU monterey bay as well. i am definitely scared that there is that possibility that i won't get accepted to csumb. and then stay a year more at GWC, thats my fear. and there i'll work my way to transfer to a UC or a CSU and possibly change my major. i do know if i were to stay at GWC a year more, i can finish a lot of the pre-reqs for all of the other universities, but i don't wish to do that. that wasn't the path that i wanted to take. i am excited to be living in the bay/west coast area. i will be able to visit one of my favorite cousins when i'm up there. that be awesome. this is definiteily the turning point of all things. this is now, i need to do it. grade are indefinitely important; however, why don't i do anything about it. i learn its great to write, just write whatever. thats what i'm going to do. i'm sorry if i can't write like how must people right and my thoughts are constricted to what is below college level, its pathetic that i can't articulate words like everyone else around me. i feel sad that i feel like a failure becasue of the compromising situation that i am encountering in my life. maybe, ill pick up that dictionary, or well, go buy one and start reading it. or just have SATS or dictionary.com email me a word so i can learn it. maybe first i need to OWN econ, then MATH. cause econ, im slipping and math i'm slacking. those classes should be a BREEZE, unless high school was way too easy.. my two communciation class, i'm doing fine. hopefully, you know i get above that 3.00 this semester. i am aming for A A A A B this semester. i would like to see those high marks. hehe. i got to get ready for school now. maybe TBA?

This has been one of the most difficult weekend that i have had in a while. I am in my mind trying to rebuild this broken relationship and at the same time start this new relationship. I dont know what i should put my energy towards. I cant believe i feel like this. Dont get me wrong, i have been feeling like this for a while. People say its just one of those things thats just in my mind. But i would like to believe otherwise. It may be more. It might be less. I do know that i an tired of this. I am hurting inside. And i dont know how much more i can take of this. I looked towards this weekend to fix something when that didnt occur and i feel that the exact opposite happened. I dont think i should feel guilty for feeling the way i feel. I still have that doubt thats been there since the beginning. I hope that something changes or i wont be able to take it anymore. I still feel like i am
dying inside. I have feeling like this. :\