Wow.. time flies...

I am currently sitting on my bed, listening to music, watching tv, and just reflecting on the better days. i realize how much has changed the last few months. i feel so insecure about life and about my future now. i only have less then 2 weeks left of my third semester here at golden west. then i will await and go into my last and final full semester at golden west college. so the big talk at home has been, why cal state uni monterey bay, why am i going up north; and i am going to the experience and to leave my comfort zone. i am pretty much tired with life around here. i feel like i really need to leave the area because i've been here way too long.

edit.
I am a Human Communication major, doubling in Business Adminstration. I plan to be AWESOME at what I do in my life after the university life. I plan to leave and be at CSUMB with at least a graduating GPA of 3.5 for my upper division class. I will party, however, I'll find the time to study as well. I hope to work for the Financial Aid office while i'm up there to at lease help me way for my housing. I believe if I have the will power and the motivation, I am able to do anything that I want to do.

This semester, I have done the best I have ever done here at Golden West College. I went from a very low GPA my first semester of college, and slowly did better during my second. and here at my 3rd semester, I am doing a lot better. hitting the 3.0+ line. and my 4th and final semester, i plan to pwn with at least a 3.7. I think I can do it. I believe I can do it. I will do it.

As far as everything beside school, has been lacking. I feel like I have neglected everything else around me.. Sadly that happen; however, with school coming to an end, I'll have the push after "finals" to redeem myself and do to my fullest potential. I can't wait to final my last and final GE requirement next semester, and get my AA degree. I'll be at CSUMB in August and I am excited for that. :) hehe. I think I have done it, getting out of GWC in the 2 years that I have planned.

I don't even know what I am typing anymore, I lost my train of thought. Imma go find food now.

FOOD FTW!!

so i got accepted;
however,
my dad doesn't want me to go..

I have never been this flabbergasted in years, i dont know what is happening; but this is all so surreal. i'm not sure if what i'm feeling in my head, so what my heart wants. i need to finish my CSU applications ASAP and submit it and then get my transcripts emailed ASAP. that means I need to go to CSU Fullerton and get a transcipt mailed to CSU monterey bay as well. i am definitely scared that there is that possibility that i won't get accepted to csumb. and then stay a year more at GWC, thats my fear. and there i'll work my way to transfer to a UC or a CSU and possibly change my major. i do know if i were to stay at GWC a year more, i can finish a lot of the pre-reqs for all of the other universities, but i don't wish to do that. that wasn't the path that i wanted to take. i am excited to be living in the bay/west coast area. i will be able to visit one of my favorite cousins when i'm up there. that be awesome. this is definiteily the turning point of all things. this is now, i need to do it. grade are indefinitely important; however, why don't i do anything about it. i learn its great to write, just write whatever. thats what i'm going to do. i'm sorry if i can't write like how must people right and my thoughts are constricted to what is below college level, its pathetic that i can't articulate words like everyone else around me. i feel sad that i feel like a failure becasue of the compromising situation that i am encountering in my life. maybe, ill pick up that dictionary, or well, go buy one and start reading it. or just have SATS or dictionary.com email me a word so i can learn it. maybe first i need to OWN econ, then MATH. cause econ, im slipping and math i'm slacking. those classes should be a BREEZE, unless high school was way too easy.. my two communciation class, i'm doing fine. hopefully, you know i get above that 3.00 this semester. i am aming for A A A A B this semester. i would like to see those high marks. hehe. i got to get ready for school now. maybe TBA?

This has been one of the most difficult weekend that i have had in a while. I am in my mind trying to rebuild this broken relationship and at the same time start this new relationship. I dont know what i should put my energy towards. I cant believe i feel like this. Dont get me wrong, i have been feeling like this for a while. People say its just one of those things thats just in my mind. But i would like to believe otherwise. It may be more. It might be less. I do know that i an tired of this. I am hurting inside. And i dont know how much more i can take of this. I looked towards this weekend to fix something when that didnt occur and i feel that the exact opposite happened. I dont think i should feel guilty for feeling the way i feel. I still have that doubt thats been there since the beginning. I hope that something changes or i wont be able to take it anymore. I still feel like i am
dying inside. I have feeling like this. :\

reminiscing

about the past.
i was just thinking yesterday, how a year ago, i was so involved with someone. i wanted to be in that person's life and i was because i would always give time for that person. i realize that with relationship it comes with COMMITMENT and TIME. Its not that i still want to be that person but I just thought it would not be fair if i was still in that relationship or any relationship at the moment because of the time i give to power vote, to student council, to school, to thieu nhi. i don't have any free time or anything. I was talking to anna about it, and she was like so what do you do beside what i have listed above, and my only response was, nothing, maybe hang out with friends once a week or something. i realize i don't do that either. i don't hang out with my best friend, rarely does a day go by and me have the chance to talk to him. to the point my dad ask me, am i still his friend or anyone's friend. yea. i mean i don't hang out with lyvyane either, only cause i have class with her and council/pv. and thanh, i see her sparingly also. andrew and khanh, i am thankful for everytime i see those two. other than that, i don't really see anyone else. is it because i don't want to hang out with anyone or what is it because?

anyway, i am hanging out with jerick this friday because I am ditching work. well not really, cause i already worked this week. hehe.