It's almost over

I can't believe that this year is coming to an end.. I'm suppose to be happy and feeling joyful but I'm not. I think I'm feeling otherwise. I'm stressed, overwhelmed, tired, etc. I didn't keep my goal of getting a 3.5 for my first semester. I joined thieu nhi when I said I won't. I became Interim nganh truong for nganh thieu. Wow. Going to Orange county on Tuesday but I don't feel like going home, I just want to go back to Monterey and just sleep for a week, but I'm not. I feel like I have to go home, thats why i'm thinking about going home for vietnamese new year. I might not even though I bought my ticket already. And i'm saving up for my dad's birthday and wedding present when I'm saving up for rent, ehh, thats over like $3,000 right there.

ehh, i'm too tired to think to get my thoughts or any thoughts at all. so peace ;)

i am sitting at LAX right now. on my way to minnesota --> wisconsin.. hands down listen to anh phi hung, have no expections at all for this trip. i'm excited, yet scared for this trip. i hope my addiction won't overcome me this weekend. i've been strong, but am i strong enough to fight this. only time will let me. God give me your grace and strenght to avoid sinning. i thank God everyday for giving me my best friend who helps me with this problem. theres no one else i can come to about this. may this not be a factor that would injury our bond. time to go now. peace world.

I dont think i can

I dont think i can do this anymore..

i need something to change.
i don't know what's going on..

I haven't been happy and I think its obvious.. Well maybe not obvious, but people can see that I'm not myself. After talking a lot with my best friend, most of it is resolved..


thanks for helping me with my addiction.
i want to stay pure for Christ.



you are my best friend. my first true best friend .i am glad i met you last year. i can't believe we have known each other for a year now. i want to thank you for all oyu have done for me especially since you were able to develop enough trust with me for me to let you into the most intimate aspect of my life. i can never thank you enough. i love you best friend. thank you helping me agsint temptation. and being there for me. sleep tight.

i thank God for letting me take 1 step forward and hate the world that I'm always taking 3 steps back.

internal turmoil..

thank God its Friday

it is too hot to do anything.. nothing seems right anymore.. I've been listening to other people's advice and not my own. I want to know what is it that I think and not of what others may think. I know I am capable of having my own opinion, and of course, I should know myself better than others. Just some of my thoughts for now.

Let Lose

I have never been so disappointed in this world.. or is it in myself. Everyone told me that no one knows me is because I don't bother letting anyone into myself. Before, I let everyone in, told them everything, left my scar'd, broken in pieces. I chose to let a few individuals into my life again, and I now don't know if they're the right individuals. I have never been so hurt by those words. Maybe this is in my head. Nothing should change regardless what happens, really theres no reason too. Why would things be different? Everyday I fight this battle with myself, I know I'll end up losing because I can't take it anymore. What happens if the person i trust and love the most. Won't accept me if I was that way? Honestly, I dont know what I is. I have had this thought since the 9th grade. Maybe it is I who won't accept the truth. Accept. Denied. Love. Trust. Honesty.

You accepted to be my best friend. I didn't force you. You should be able to love me no whatever and things should not change no matter what.

Only time will tell..

on a little note, I hope I stop coughing =[

the fsh

i listen to this every morning since i started praying again.. thanks to the best friend.

best friend & i

i hope

that our relationship becomes better as i move away. i will truly miss the times i've spent with you and your family. best friends forever.

i love how were still able to talk freely after we talked about so much. i love how we're comfortable to talk about anything. definitely no secrets between us. i feel like i can talk to you about anything and that you won't push me away. <3 i'm happy for this bond we have. thanks for being there for me at all times, especially at night when im at my weakeast... thanks for the texts at 1am and 5am

i think weekday masses are

i think weekday masses are more special then holy days and sunday(vigil).

I am better now. Feeling

I am better now. Feeling alrighit. :)

thinking..

i am sitting here when i should be studying for my business law midterm but i think about what i said yesterday and what i have observe. it seems to me that leadership is not what it used to be. what i think of leadership now is stepping away from the oridinary and doing more. people say that they see this leadership in this group; however, i see none. it is like no one wants to do more then what they are suppose to do and someone gets fed up and does it for the benefit of the team? and what is worst is when they do something and people have the couage to complain about it whnyin oayhigat l.

they r bis the complaining that thy do. i n oget edro am i itobe oe i say this because wouldrp ycurn esponsiliywnsmethin omeu. ahhh maybe this isnt my path to take. it should be given to someone else.. but is this my seed that i should soread. hsmprpse?

bff? among guys?

So I am setting at best friend house and just wonder on how did I really become his best friend. It all doesn't make any sense of why we cross each others path. i really don't know how. It all doesn't make sense. we're so different from each other. Best Friend Forever type deal? or what.. just friends till i move and our lives change? or when we get married our two familys will hang out with eeach other. i really hope the latter. He's ddefinitely my best friend. and I hope im his.

what to do..

what to do..

looking back

i simply wish that back in middle school, i tried a little harder. then in high school i tired a little harder. then in college i would try a little harder. for some reason, i am making myself believe that the path that i'm currently on, isn't the one that i should be taking. it seems as if my entire life, i have been taking the easy way out, and i still continue to do so. however, its really too late to make any changes, so i decide that i'll do the best i can do at what i'm going to do. my last semester, no more slacking off, i am going to finish strong! i have like 11 days left for some of my courses. then my first semester at CSUMB. I plan to have a 3.7 or higher.

I am sitting on my bed thinking of what to get best friend for his birthday.. Hehe.

Daily Struggles

Here I am thinking about my life, my short coming, and everything.

I never thought of it as an addiction tell a few days ago, I now look at it as an addiction, because it is and its dragging me down. I have the need for it everyday. It serves a separation from me and God. I thank God for giving me someone who can be accountable with me. I never really had second looks at it till now. Its been 5 days, my goal is another 3 days. I want to do it in baby steps. With prayer and best friend, I shall over come. The temptation is killing me inside. Self-Control.

I feel as if I am living a double-life. No one knows the other half of me. The Sinner that I am, I wish I wasn’t this way. I still can’t tell best friend about how I truly deeply feel inside because I myself do not know how I feel inside. It breaks my heart to know that it separates me from God. I truly can not accept myself under this condition.


On a lighter note, I will begin my work out tomorrow, to get rid of my fat. Start slow, stay strong. My goal is 130 by the end of May.


I think I am definitely growing.

pray, pray, pray

Easter Vigil

So here I am waiting for Easter Vigil mass to start. I look around me and I SEE SOMETHING i remember from back in the day, that is alter serving. I truly miss serving. Its been way too long since one of those days.. I left probably when I was 15. It was before I was in training for du truong, and probably the time when long was 18. I think that was when.

anyway, tonight i will leave my heart open for mass and everything.

I truly thank God for my best friend. He's truly my backbone. I can rely on HIM.

I am facing temption everyday and the Devil is winning. Note that i capitalize the word Devil.. i am trying to overcome this temption by relying on God and on my best friend. I will overcome..

Also, pray the Hail Mary three times each day for purity of mind, body, and heart; frequent the sacrament of reconciliation; read Scripture; pray the rosary; make the Stations of the Cross; and develop a devotion to St. Joseph.

its an addition..

and i cant stop.. i am trying to find a way out.. maybe this weekend the weekend of all weekend..

thank God theres best friend to help me out with this..

Luke 23:42

its gonna be different this time around..

This Lenten season has definitely been one to experience because ever since day one, I was always wanting a change but I never took the time to seek it. I want a change, but that isn’t want I want. I want to grow. The only spiritual part of lent that I’ve encounter all 47 days was the Van Phong Gioi Tre retreat in the last weekend of March. I gave that retreat my all.. well sort of, but at the time of adoration, I melt down, gave it my all. I need to go to confession ASAP. It’s now Holy Week. I am hoping to go to adoration soemtime this week as well. I think I will call Kevin again to see if he would want to go to adoration with me again like last year.
-end.

I was able to go to confession and i felt great. the first time I was ever 100% honest with the priest, actually letting good. "You need to surrender, you need to pray." Am currently in the process of doing that.

I called up Kevin and asked if he would like to go to adoration with me, and he agreed. As we walked from the church to the hall, we said, "Jesus, remember me, when you come into your kingdom" I have never experience a more spiritual adoration then that.

I asked God for me to let go and for me to have courage. and I did, I finally opened up to my best friend on that intimate level. I am glad we got to talk about it. 100%honest/trust. finally for once. "we're in this together."

when i have the feelings , i'll call you, when i feel like letting go.. vice versa. for us to hold on. promised.

letting go of the promise is one thing..
letting go of myself is another thing.

so.. today is the first day of lent.. well its ash wednesday.. the beginning of the 40 day kong journey that us Catholic embark every year in February.. i think its when we try to find ourselves. and of course try to find what we can sacrafice to make ourselves a better.. this year.. i really don't know what is going on.. i just find that this time of year is when i really reflect on my life and see what changes i must include in my life.. we all have those little things we feel as if its qwhat we should give up because its lent.. but i want to do something that may chhange my life or make me a better person.. even after these fourty day of lent..this year.. i am determind to find myself unlike most years..we'll see where i am in april.. this will be my last blog until april 2009.. when i come back, ill have more adventures to tell, life changing events, and a new me.... peace!

what happens if i have a secret that i can't tell anyone about.. especially if i can't tell my best friend.. who else is there for me to turn to. i don't know.. it seems as if i don't really have anywhere else to go.. i just need to get anyway.. maybe i should still leave for my trip at the end of march.. who knows.. we'l seee where everything leads me too..

here is my little cousin. :)

Hate hate hate.

Everytime i go out. You remind me why i hate going...

Over Thinking

Lately, it seems as if thats all I do.. All I do is think and tired myself out. I feel like i'm missing something.. I sorta don't care about making friends with old friends anymore. I feel as if i don't exist in their lives anymore so why would it be worth it to do so. I need to get away. I had the best New Years ever, away from reality and I really enjoyed my weekend-get-away. I am excited to leave this place and venture off on my own. I swear I can make it on my own and I'm determined to do so. Can't wait to start my new life here.